Usenet Bill of No Rights 

We, the sensible people of Usenet, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any major confusion, keep our newsgroups readable, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of twit-free newsgroup reading to ourselves and to our posteriors, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for posting to Usenet, especially to the alt.binaries.sounds.mp3.* hierarchy. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by Usenet. They don't understand the difference between free speech and a contractual agreement, and so they require a Bill of No Rights. 

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to free speech. This is Usenet, a cooperative medium for the exchange of ideas, not the United States. As a matter of fact, you have no rights at all here. You have only privileges, privileges that you paid your ISP to obtain, but that may be withdrawn if you act like a moron and violate your AUP or TOS. You have exactly as many privileges as you and your ISP agreed to in the terms and conditions part of the contract. If you don't like it, find a new ISP. 

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This medium is based on freedom, but this means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may refuse to post, leave the newsgroup, express a different opinion, etc., but no one is required to be nice to you, or you to them, so get over it. 

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from flames. If you act like an idiot, you can expect some people to let you know about it. Learn what PLONK! means early on. 

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to totally disregard the newgroup's charter or FAQ. It is there to make the hierarchy a better place. Disregard it at your own risk, especially if your ISP says you will adhere to the charter or FAQ for all groups you post in. This isn't the 15 items or fewer lane at Safeway. 

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to shit in someone else's living room. If you are acting like a jerk and someone brings it to your attention, stop, apologize, clean up after yourself, and move on. This is a much smarter move than going on the offensive. 

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to flame those who direct your attention to the the fact that you are screwing up. If you flame someone who is simply trying to draw your attention to the fact that you are being a jerk, don't be surprised if the rest of the group piles on and lets you know your are wrong. In spades, repeatedly, with emphasis, four-part harmony and much feeling. They are right, and you are wrong. 

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to everyone else's undivided attention. If you choose to demonstrate that you are an idiot, expect several dozen people to PLONK! you or flame you. 

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that everyone else in the group do everything your way. You have certain experiences. Others have different experiences. People may disagree without being totally wrong or jerks or idiots. Get a life! 

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to be a totally inconsiderate elitist jerk, no matter how much you paid for cable modem service or a subscription news service. The groups are chartered to accommodate everyone. Life is short, but not so short that you can be an inconsiderate asshole without someone bringing it to your attention. 

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - hell, you don't need to be an American to have that right (whether your government recognizes it or not) - which happiness, by the way, is a lot easier if you learn a little about Usenet and take others' situations into account before posting here. We really want you to be a contributing, considerate subscriber to the hierarchy, but we'll be happy to flame you if you don't have the sense or maturity to work and play well with others. 


(Please visit http://infohost.nmt.edu/~armiller/billno.htm to see something very close to the original as I saw it. I heard that the original was attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA, but other sources attribute it to Lewis Napper, so I don't know who is the original author. I just want to be clear that someone else came up with this concept. Mine is but a parody of the excellent original.